It's been a crazy day. Crazy woman = crazy day, everyday. I'm pooped from fighting Ci Ci to take a nap and from the general crazy-ness that is my life... not that I don't enjoy every second of it! And I guess I should be thankful that my life is crazy in a normal way now, instead of crazy in the way it used to be.... that's confusing, even to me...
Anyway, this morning I started thinking about sheep. You know, baaaa.... sheep. Except really I was thinking about people who are "sheepish" or "sheeply" or whatever you want to call them. I was wondering why and how people follow so easily, so blindly, without question. And I though, well, come on Ali, Jesus said he was our shepherd and that we were his sheep (right?). So, I thought there surely must be something to be said for sheep. Maybe they're really bright animals and I just don't know it. I mean, I'm not a farmer.... we've got some chickens... but I'm not a farmer. Maybe, I kept thinking, sheep are smarter than they get credit for.
So I did some research. And sheep are STUPID. Apparently in 2006 over 600 sheep died after one sheep in the flock lead the other 599 sheep off a cliff. That's right, every one of them followed that stupid sheep right off the edge of a cliff. I just can't fathom. I mean maybe if you were sheep #2 you might follow right over. But what if you were sheep #570, or #599, or #600? Wouldn't you kind of stop and say to yourself "hummm, those guys just fell and didn't come back. Maybe I should just hang here for awhile".
And I couldn't figure out why Jesus kept saying he was our shepherd. Maybe it's because we're pretty stupid. I know we all like to pretend that we're all soooo smart and that we've got it all figured out. But come on people! We know that there are some pretty dumb fools out there (I will occasionally include myself in the dumb fool group). So I kept reading. And apparently some sheep are a little smarter than old #1 who lead all his family and friends into oblivion. And usually these are the leader sheep. But occasionally some moron sheep steps in and goofs it all up for the rest. Enter shepherd. The responsibility of the shepherd is to protect the sheep. Sometimes, to protect them from themselves. According to wikipedia "The shepherd supervises the migration of the flock". I thought that was interesting. The migration....
It is interesting to me that we are sheep after all. I guess sometimes we think we're the shepherd. But we're sheep. Some may be a little smarter than others, some may have a little more sense than to lead the others off the cliff. And some may not have that much sense after all. I'm sure if you asked #1 sheep, right before he stepped over the edge, he would have said that he was a genius. I wonder how may of the others thought he was as smart? They all followed right behind, didn't they?
I wonder if I would have followed #1 off that ledge? I hope The Shepherd is there to stop me if I ever try.
Love to all.
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Monday, August 17, 2009
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
I see crazy people...
Just after Chris and I started dating he took me to see a fortune teller (I believe she called herself a 'medium') for my birthday. I won't even go into why he took me to see this lady, this was just the first in a series of bad gifts Chris has given me. Anyway, she said lots of stuff, most of which I can't even remember but I remember one thing in particular that continues to be true. She told me, and I quote "You are a beacon on light and you attract dark souls". I kid you not, she said this. Now I don't know about the whole "beacon of light" thing but I definitely agree that crazy people seek me out. Now she didn't say 'crazy people' but come on, we all know what she meant by 'dark souls'.
I'm telling you, they follow me! You put me in a room full of people and I swear that by the time I leave I will know the story of every fruitcake in the room. It's like I'm walking around wearing a "come here crazy people" sign. And I somehow always end up being friends/ friendly with these people. I am the DRIVER of the crazy train. And I can't get off. I can't help myself. Introduce me to a perfectly sane person and an utter nut-job and I guarantee that I'll have befriended the nut-job. What is wrong with me? They find me everywhere! Walmart, the grocery store, everywhere. Sometimes I go into stores avoiding making eye contact so that no one will stop me to tell me some insane story of how they're going home to be with Jesus this afternoon right after they cure cancer.
I just can't take anymore. I'm turning off the light. This beacon is closed. Pin It
I'm telling you, they follow me! You put me in a room full of people and I swear that by the time I leave I will know the story of every fruitcake in the room. It's like I'm walking around wearing a "come here crazy people" sign. And I somehow always end up being friends/ friendly with these people. I am the DRIVER of the crazy train. And I can't get off. I can't help myself. Introduce me to a perfectly sane person and an utter nut-job and I guarantee that I'll have befriended the nut-job. What is wrong with me? They find me everywhere! Walmart, the grocery store, everywhere. Sometimes I go into stores avoiding making eye contact so that no one will stop me to tell me some insane story of how they're going home to be with Jesus this afternoon right after they cure cancer.
I just can't take anymore. I'm turning off the light. This beacon is closed. Pin It
Saturday, August 1, 2009
Time flies when you're birthing babies
Wow. It's almost shameful that Josie is now SEVEN weeks old and I'm just now blogging again. We welcomed Anna Josephine Payne to our family on June 11th. She had some complications and stayed in the NICU for 6 days. Six long, long days. She was born with fluid on her lungs and then we got stuck in the NICU vaccume. That's actually what my OB called it, "the NICU Vaccume". I have never been so happy to pull into our driveway. She is doing great now. She is a chubby little monkey and is so sweet. She has started really smiling and cooing and it is so sweet. Caroline has really done so well. She's had her moments but only once has she said "I don't like her". That was a bad day. Most days she's thrilled to hold her and kiss her and tell everyone else how to kiss her and hold her and "be easy with Baby Josie". She's a little mama. 
This month and a half has flown by. It was so crazy to have her whisked away and to not be able to room in with her. Actually it was horrible, crazy isn't the right word. I have a new found respect for people who spend months with their little babies in the NICU. Soon I'll have to post about our attempt to break Josie out of the NICU and the very loud arguement we had with the hospital peditrician. The picture of that nurse feeding her like that is only one of the reasons I went nuts. The main reason being that when Chris and I showed up to see Josie at 3 AM she had a feeding tube up her nose! I literally went bonkers. Needless to say, every doctor, nurse, orderly, and receptionist avoided looking me in the eye from that morning on. I think I nearly made one really young nurse pee her pants. I can laugh now.... not so much then.
Things are going really well. The Fortress did close two weeks before Josie was born. I still talk to most of the guys. They are adjusting. I'm staying with the girls (look at me, saying "the girls"). It's really fun. CiCi was so excited that I wasn't going to work anymore. She would stop strangers in the grocery store and say "My mommy doesn't go to work now, she stays with ME!" So sweet. I don't plan on ever being a Social Worker again. I may eat those words, but I hope not. I still think Social Workers ROCK, I just don't want to rock anymore!
More posts coming soon... I swear! Love to you all...
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Update...
Geez, where to begin.
The Fortress will probably close in May. We don't have an exact date but I'm guessing after school is out. I'm stressed... angry... sad... confused... I'm everything. But it is what it is and I can't change it. Anyone want to hire a big fat pregnant lady? These kids are so sad. I feel really bad for them and they're being fed a pile of crap. I'm just so exhausted by it all. I wish I could do SOMETHING. I just don't know that I can do anything. I hate feeling helpless and it makes me so sad.
Josie will be here in June so that will keep me busy for a bit :). I don't know what we'll do after that because this is not really what we planned. Who am I kidding, none of this was planned! But we'll figure it out. Unfortunately, I have to work right now because Chris is only working 3 or 4 days a week, depending on how sales are going and all that. So we're stuck in this crappy economy just like everyone else. I know something will work out but I just feel pissed because I want to be able to enjoy my baby and I'm afraid that I won't get to. I know that I was lucky to be able to stay home with Caroline for so long and that I shouldn't complain because women do this all the time. I just think it's shitty. There, I said it.
Caroline is growing up so fast. She's completely potty trained and sleeping in 'big girl' panties. I can't believe how grown up she is and how funny she is. She's our little monkey.
I'm doing well, apart from the whole stressed to the max thing. I passed my three hour sugar test and so no pricking my finger or eating cardboard. I got to have cake on my birthday and you have no idea how happy that made me! I expected to have gestational diabeties again and so I was happy when I passed the three hour glucose test.
Hopefully I'll have a happier post soon. We're having a yard sale this weekend so come by and buy my old junk!!!
Hope everyone is well!
Ali Pin It
The Fortress will probably close in May. We don't have an exact date but I'm guessing after school is out. I'm stressed... angry... sad... confused... I'm everything. But it is what it is and I can't change it. Anyone want to hire a big fat pregnant lady? These kids are so sad. I feel really bad for them and they're being fed a pile of crap. I'm just so exhausted by it all. I wish I could do SOMETHING. I just don't know that I can do anything. I hate feeling helpless and it makes me so sad.
Josie will be here in June so that will keep me busy for a bit :). I don't know what we'll do after that because this is not really what we planned. Who am I kidding, none of this was planned! But we'll figure it out. Unfortunately, I have to work right now because Chris is only working 3 or 4 days a week, depending on how sales are going and all that. So we're stuck in this crappy economy just like everyone else. I know something will work out but I just feel pissed because I want to be able to enjoy my baby and I'm afraid that I won't get to. I know that I was lucky to be able to stay home with Caroline for so long and that I shouldn't complain because women do this all the time. I just think it's shitty. There, I said it.
Caroline is growing up so fast. She's completely potty trained and sleeping in 'big girl' panties. I can't believe how grown up she is and how funny she is. She's our little monkey.
I'm doing well, apart from the whole stressed to the max thing. I passed my three hour sugar test and so no pricking my finger or eating cardboard. I got to have cake on my birthday and you have no idea how happy that made me! I expected to have gestational diabeties again and so I was happy when I passed the three hour glucose test.
Hopefully I'll have a happier post soon. We're having a yard sale this weekend so come by and buy my old junk!!!
Hope everyone is well!
Ali Pin It
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
BABY GIRL!!!
Well, we're having a baby girl!
We went to the doctor yesterday and found out that we are having a girl! Poor Chris must have asked the Ultrasound lady about five times if she was really, really sure. I think he was disappointed but he put on a pretty brave face. He finally acted excited when he called from work last night. I'm excited. I hate to say I called it but, I called it. When we first got to the doctor's office the ultrasound lady asked Ci Ci if she wanted a baby brother or a baby sister and Ci Ci said, "A baby dog." Then, after we found out she was a girl, Chris kept pointing to the ultrasound monitor and saying to Caroline, look there is your baby sister. Caroline went along with it for a second and then she looked at Chris and said, "No, Daddy. That's a monster!" We all laughed so hard. She has been so good and I hope she's this excited about the baby come June.
Yesterday we got our first "free" gift from Similac. It was some cheap bag with formula and a paci in it. Caroline has since carried the paci around giving it to her babies and stuffed animals, but never putting it in her mouth. She's so cute. I'll save my rant for why they give out free formula at prenatal appointments for another post. Maybe I should not have taken it and quickly told them where to stick their formula. Oh, I said I wouldn't rant..... and anyway, it's not the nurse's fault that she has to push formula onto unsuspecting mama's to be under the guise of a 'free' gift. I'll stop now and move on....
I'm doing well and the baby is doing well. But I hope you guys will pray for me. I know that life is pretty hard for everyone right now and that we're all pretty stressed out. I am no exception and I'm feeling all kinds of stress. The Fortress is struggling, to put it mildly, to survive in this town. I hope you guys will pray for me and for The Fortress as a whole. There are so many lives that will be affected if we are forced to close and I fear that possibility is nearing.
I'm happy to share our news with you all! Thank you for being interested in our lives!!!
Ali
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Thursday, January 22, 2009
Look at me!
Look at me, two posts in one month! This one will be short and sweet as I head out the door to go to work on my day off. UGH. I thought I'd drop in a post this photo of CiCi at Christmas. It's so sweet and I forgot about it until I was just posting some Facebook photos earlier. This was taken Christmas Eve when CiCi decided that she wanted a little taste of Santa's snacks. She ate two of Santa's cookies faster than I could get the camera! After I had replaced the cookies with new ones we went off to bed. The next morning that's the first place she went and she was SHOCKED when Santa had eaten the cookies. She told everyone all day long that Santa ate the cookies all gone! So so sweet.
Love to everyone!
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Thursday, January 15, 2009
New Year, Old me
Not much changes with the New Year. I'm as forgetful as ever and continue to have time management problems. It seems like just when I get settled into something some little monster yells "Mama". The monster is sleeping but we'll see how far I get into this before she wakes.
Caroline's birthday was fun. We had a little birthday party at our house and it was fun. If you consider kids running everywhere fun. She had a blast and was so sweet opening her gifts. I can't believe she's two. Time really does fly.
Christmas was good. We didn't do as much running around this year, which I was grateful for. I'm pretty sure we took a nap on Christmas day, isn't that crazy!
I guess the word is out that we're expecting. Did I mention that in my last post? I can't remember it's been so long. We are, we're going to have an itty bitty baby. I must be looking pretty preggers because people keep looking at my belly kind of perplexed. Sometimes I want to say "I'm not THAT fat people!!"
I'm still working and feeling irritated by a bunch of teenage boys. I hope I never have a teenage boy. But I'm willing to bet money that teenage girls are much, much worse. I hope I'll find out one day.
I'm trying to be still and accept one day at a time. Lose some control, ya know. Not that we ever really have that much control anyway. For anyone who's all that interested I would suggest reading The Four Agreements. My friend Kelly advised it and I actually loved it. I say that with surprise because she has some pretty non-traditional ideas about things. If you don't have a good filter then skip it. I'll take that back. If you don't have a good filter then read it. Maybe it will help develop a filter, or maybe you'll hate it. Either way.....
The older I get the more I understand that life requires a filter. I'm getting better about taking what I need and letting the rest go. I mean really letting it go instead of worrying or letting it control me. And the Four Agreements helped bring that into perspective. The idea that maybe we're all alike is not a new idea at all. But I think we sometimes look over that because it seems too simple. The idea that sometimes words are just words and that actions bare more truth, is appealing to me. It frightens me because my actions are often lacking when my words are grand. One day at a time, right?
Until next time,
Ali Pin It
Caroline's birthday was fun. We had a little birthday party at our house and it was fun. If you consider kids running everywhere fun. She had a blast and was so sweet opening her gifts. I can't believe she's two. Time really does fly.
Christmas was good. We didn't do as much running around this year, which I was grateful for. I'm pretty sure we took a nap on Christmas day, isn't that crazy!
I guess the word is out that we're expecting. Did I mention that in my last post? I can't remember it's been so long. We are, we're going to have an itty bitty baby. I must be looking pretty preggers because people keep looking at my belly kind of perplexed. Sometimes I want to say "I'm not THAT fat people!!"
I'm still working and feeling irritated by a bunch of teenage boys. I hope I never have a teenage boy. But I'm willing to bet money that teenage girls are much, much worse. I hope I'll find out one day.
I'm trying to be still and accept one day at a time. Lose some control, ya know. Not that we ever really have that much control anyway. For anyone who's all that interested I would suggest reading The Four Agreements. My friend Kelly advised it and I actually loved it. I say that with surprise because she has some pretty non-traditional ideas about things. If you don't have a good filter then skip it. I'll take that back. If you don't have a good filter then read it. Maybe it will help develop a filter, or maybe you'll hate it. Either way.....
The older I get the more I understand that life requires a filter. I'm getting better about taking what I need and letting the rest go. I mean really letting it go instead of worrying or letting it control me. And the Four Agreements helped bring that into perspective. The idea that maybe we're all alike is not a new idea at all. But I think we sometimes look over that because it seems too simple. The idea that sometimes words are just words and that actions bare more truth, is appealing to me. It frightens me because my actions are often lacking when my words are grand. One day at a time, right?
Until next time,
Ali Pin It
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