Tonight my heart is heavy. Lack of sleep always makes me feel bad but it's worse tonight. I pray for Allison and Keefer tonight. And I send my sweet friend my love.
Christmas is nearly here and it seems like this year just started. I love the twinkle lights and the joy in Caroline's voice when she sees them. The people who live across the street have put up some lights and Caroline stands at the front door looking out the window at them. She is my sweetheart.
Josie is growing so fast. We took some pictures for our Christmas card on Sunday and I realized that her sweet little nose is orange from eating so many orange veggies. She looked like Rudolph!! My poor child...
Life on earth is so precious. Tell someone you love them and squeeze them tight.
Goodnight
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Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
and she's back...
I let another month slip by without updating my blog. Shame, shame. I don't really have all that much to say. Probably because it's 11:30pm and I've been awake since 2am yesterday. What am I doing blogging?
Life is strange, still. But life is good. I've been thinking about how fast time seems to fly and how things change. I guess sometimes they change before you ever even realize it. It's homecoming week at SCHS and I've been thinking about high school. I wonder if I talked to the teenage version of myself would the 16 year old me believe that this is my life. It's a wonderful life. But not the one I planned. But really do any of us live the life we planned when we were 16/ 17? Geez, I hope not.
My girls are as sweet as ever. I say that now that they're both sound asleep. Josie is growing so fast. She's laughing and giving big smiles. She feels kinda cruddy right now but hopefully she'll feel better soon. Caroline is nearly as tall as I am. Seriously. We were sitting in the floor tonight and my legs are only about seven inches longer than hers. She's not even three yet!
Love to all. And to all a good night! Pin It
Life is strange, still. But life is good. I've been thinking about how fast time seems to fly and how things change. I guess sometimes they change before you ever even realize it. It's homecoming week at SCHS and I've been thinking about high school. I wonder if I talked to the teenage version of myself would the 16 year old me believe that this is my life. It's a wonderful life. But not the one I planned. But really do any of us live the life we planned when we were 16/ 17? Geez, I hope not.
My girls are as sweet as ever. I say that now that they're both sound asleep. Josie is growing so fast. She's laughing and giving big smiles. She feels kinda cruddy right now but hopefully she'll feel better soon. Caroline is nearly as tall as I am. Seriously. We were sitting in the floor tonight and my legs are only about seven inches longer than hers. She's not even three yet!
Love to all. And to all a good night! Pin It
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
I'm tired....
I am exhausted. Not the "I'm tired" that comes after missing a couple of nights sleep but the "I'm tired" that has you physically and mentally drained. I'm usually a pretty tough cookie but I'm pooped. Josie screams nearly all day now. Her reflux is absolutely out of control. She's on prevacid but it might as well be water because it doesn't help. The only end to the screaming is walking. I have walked holes into the floor in our house and I've walked around the block so many times people probably think I'm crazy. Actually I must look crazy because last week some lady stopped as I was walking and asked if I needed a ride! hahaha. So not only do I look crazy but I also look homeless or something. If I could laugh maybe I could perk up. My house looks like a bomb went off here. It's making me crazy. But I don't have the time or energy to clean it up. I hit the surface and then WAHHHHHHHH! Yesterday I got to dust the front living room and our bedroom. But that's it, nothing more. As I sit and type this there is a section of train track sitting on the computer desk. Along with a yoohoo from God knows when. I'm tired people.
Josie has been asleep for exactly 36 minutes. I better hurry.
Caroline starts KIMCO tonight. I'm excited. I told her it was like bible school and she said "I don't like Bible School, they are mean". The funny part is that my mom was her Bible School teacher! And she loved every second of it. I know she's going to have fun. I'll have to pray for her teachers.
Life is strange. Sorry that I never call anyone. I do love you. But believe me, you wouldn't enjoy listening to screaming as I'm trying to talk. It's pointless.
Love to you. Happy post next time :) Pin It
Josie has been asleep for exactly 36 minutes. I better hurry.
Caroline starts KIMCO tonight. I'm excited. I told her it was like bible school and she said "I don't like Bible School, they are mean". The funny part is that my mom was her Bible School teacher! And she loved every second of it. I know she's going to have fun. I'll have to pray for her teachers.
Life is strange. Sorry that I never call anyone. I do love you. But believe me, you wouldn't enjoy listening to screaming as I'm trying to talk. It's pointless.
Love to you. Happy post next time :) Pin It
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
No, that isn't bird shit on the floor, but thanks for asking.
Oh me. Josie has some pretty horrible reflux. She tends to be more of a dribbler than a spitter and so I have begun carrying her around on my hip face out. Does that make sense? You know one arm around her belly, butt on hip. This means that she dribbles less on my clothes and more on my feet/shoes and, unfortunately, the hardwood floor. So the other day Chris insisted that there was bird shit in the front living room floor. This really wouldn't surprise me since we do tend to have a problem with birds getting into our house. But this time it really wasn't bird shit. I knew it was just a little dribble but I couldn't convience Chris. He was so angry and the more I said "NO, it's NOT" the more convienced he became that it was bird shit. I have laughed and laughed.
Now don't question why we would have birds shitting regularly around our house. To question that would be to question why Chris would close off every chimney in this house (there are four total) EXCEPT the one that has swallows living in it. I mean, that would make sense. I used to call someone when a bird would fly in but now I just close the kids in a safe bedroom and try to knock the crap out of the bird with a broom. (OH, now I'm laughing because I said knock the crap out of the bird and I didn't mean LITERALLY!) Usually I can get the bird to fly out an open door but if not then I leave all the doors open and I take the kids for a walk, a really long walk! Once when Chris was here a bat came in the house. Caroline cried for three days and still says "bats live outside". Apparently birds in the house are a really bad omen. As many as we've had we're screwed.
I just looked down and saw some more dribble in the floor. I better go clean it up before Chris gets home and starts yelling about bird shit in the den!
Love to all. Pin It
Now don't question why we would have birds shitting regularly around our house. To question that would be to question why Chris would close off every chimney in this house (there are four total) EXCEPT the one that has swallows living in it. I mean, that would make sense. I used to call someone when a bird would fly in but now I just close the kids in a safe bedroom and try to knock the crap out of the bird with a broom. (OH, now I'm laughing because I said knock the crap out of the bird and I didn't mean LITERALLY!) Usually I can get the bird to fly out an open door but if not then I leave all the doors open and I take the kids for a walk, a really long walk! Once when Chris was here a bat came in the house. Caroline cried for three days and still says "bats live outside". Apparently birds in the house are a really bad omen. As many as we've had we're screwed.
I just looked down and saw some more dribble in the floor. I better go clean it up before Chris gets home and starts yelling about bird shit in the den!
Love to all. Pin It
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Monkeys
Just a quick update on the monkeys...
Josie is two and a half months old now. We went for her check-up last week and she weighed 11 lbs and 7 oz and was in the 75th percentile in height! She's going to be tall!! She is so cute and she's really all smiles when she's not miserable from all the reflux.
Caroline is so smart. I know I say that all the time but she really is. The other day we were saying the ABC's and she said "B is for BOOTY". Only my child!
Life is pretty good. So far, no dead ends!
Enjoy the pictures! Love to all... Pin It
Monday, August 17, 2009
sheep...
It's been a crazy day. Crazy woman = crazy day, everyday. I'm pooped from fighting Ci Ci to take a nap and from the general crazy-ness that is my life... not that I don't enjoy every second of it! And I guess I should be thankful that my life is crazy in a normal way now, instead of crazy in the way it used to be.... that's confusing, even to me...
Anyway, this morning I started thinking about sheep. You know, baaaa.... sheep. Except really I was thinking about people who are "sheepish" or "sheeply" or whatever you want to call them. I was wondering why and how people follow so easily, so blindly, without question. And I though, well, come on Ali, Jesus said he was our shepherd and that we were his sheep (right?). So, I thought there surely must be something to be said for sheep. Maybe they're really bright animals and I just don't know it. I mean, I'm not a farmer.... we've got some chickens... but I'm not a farmer. Maybe, I kept thinking, sheep are smarter than they get credit for.
So I did some research. And sheep are STUPID. Apparently in 2006 over 600 sheep died after one sheep in the flock lead the other 599 sheep off a cliff. That's right, every one of them followed that stupid sheep right off the edge of a cliff. I just can't fathom. I mean maybe if you were sheep #2 you might follow right over. But what if you were sheep #570, or #599, or #600? Wouldn't you kind of stop and say to yourself "hummm, those guys just fell and didn't come back. Maybe I should just hang here for awhile".
And I couldn't figure out why Jesus kept saying he was our shepherd. Maybe it's because we're pretty stupid. I know we all like to pretend that we're all soooo smart and that we've got it all figured out. But come on people! We know that there are some pretty dumb fools out there (I will occasionally include myself in the dumb fool group). So I kept reading. And apparently some sheep are a little smarter than old #1 who lead all his family and friends into oblivion. And usually these are the leader sheep. But occasionally some moron sheep steps in and goofs it all up for the rest. Enter shepherd. The responsibility of the shepherd is to protect the sheep. Sometimes, to protect them from themselves. According to wikipedia "The shepherd supervises the migration of the flock". I thought that was interesting. The migration....
It is interesting to me that we are sheep after all. I guess sometimes we think we're the shepherd. But we're sheep. Some may be a little smarter than others, some may have a little more sense than to lead the others off the cliff. And some may not have that much sense after all. I'm sure if you asked #1 sheep, right before he stepped over the edge, he would have said that he was a genius. I wonder how may of the others thought he was as smart? They all followed right behind, didn't they?
I wonder if I would have followed #1 off that ledge? I hope The Shepherd is there to stop me if I ever try.
Love to all. Pin It
Anyway, this morning I started thinking about sheep. You know, baaaa.... sheep. Except really I was thinking about people who are "sheepish" or "sheeply" or whatever you want to call them. I was wondering why and how people follow so easily, so blindly, without question. And I though, well, come on Ali, Jesus said he was our shepherd and that we were his sheep (right?). So, I thought there surely must be something to be said for sheep. Maybe they're really bright animals and I just don't know it. I mean, I'm not a farmer.... we've got some chickens... but I'm not a farmer. Maybe, I kept thinking, sheep are smarter than they get credit for.
So I did some research. And sheep are STUPID. Apparently in 2006 over 600 sheep died after one sheep in the flock lead the other 599 sheep off a cliff. That's right, every one of them followed that stupid sheep right off the edge of a cliff. I just can't fathom. I mean maybe if you were sheep #2 you might follow right over. But what if you were sheep #570, or #599, or #600? Wouldn't you kind of stop and say to yourself "hummm, those guys just fell and didn't come back. Maybe I should just hang here for awhile".
And I couldn't figure out why Jesus kept saying he was our shepherd. Maybe it's because we're pretty stupid. I know we all like to pretend that we're all soooo smart and that we've got it all figured out. But come on people! We know that there are some pretty dumb fools out there (I will occasionally include myself in the dumb fool group). So I kept reading. And apparently some sheep are a little smarter than old #1 who lead all his family and friends into oblivion. And usually these are the leader sheep. But occasionally some moron sheep steps in and goofs it all up for the rest. Enter shepherd. The responsibility of the shepherd is to protect the sheep. Sometimes, to protect them from themselves. According to wikipedia "The shepherd supervises the migration of the flock". I thought that was interesting. The migration....
It is interesting to me that we are sheep after all. I guess sometimes we think we're the shepherd. But we're sheep. Some may be a little smarter than others, some may have a little more sense than to lead the others off the cliff. And some may not have that much sense after all. I'm sure if you asked #1 sheep, right before he stepped over the edge, he would have said that he was a genius. I wonder how may of the others thought he was as smart? They all followed right behind, didn't they?
I wonder if I would have followed #1 off that ledge? I hope The Shepherd is there to stop me if I ever try.
Love to all. Pin It
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
I see crazy people...
Just after Chris and I started dating he took me to see a fortune teller (I believe she called herself a 'medium') for my birthday. I won't even go into why he took me to see this lady, this was just the first in a series of bad gifts Chris has given me. Anyway, she said lots of stuff, most of which I can't even remember but I remember one thing in particular that continues to be true. She told me, and I quote "You are a beacon on light and you attract dark souls". I kid you not, she said this. Now I don't know about the whole "beacon of light" thing but I definitely agree that crazy people seek me out. Now she didn't say 'crazy people' but come on, we all know what she meant by 'dark souls'.
I'm telling you, they follow me! You put me in a room full of people and I swear that by the time I leave I will know the story of every fruitcake in the room. It's like I'm walking around wearing a "come here crazy people" sign. And I somehow always end up being friends/ friendly with these people. I am the DRIVER of the crazy train. And I can't get off. I can't help myself. Introduce me to a perfectly sane person and an utter nut-job and I guarantee that I'll have befriended the nut-job. What is wrong with me? They find me everywhere! Walmart, the grocery store, everywhere. Sometimes I go into stores avoiding making eye contact so that no one will stop me to tell me some insane story of how they're going home to be with Jesus this afternoon right after they cure cancer.
I just can't take anymore. I'm turning off the light. This beacon is closed. Pin It
I'm telling you, they follow me! You put me in a room full of people and I swear that by the time I leave I will know the story of every fruitcake in the room. It's like I'm walking around wearing a "come here crazy people" sign. And I somehow always end up being friends/ friendly with these people. I am the DRIVER of the crazy train. And I can't get off. I can't help myself. Introduce me to a perfectly sane person and an utter nut-job and I guarantee that I'll have befriended the nut-job. What is wrong with me? They find me everywhere! Walmart, the grocery store, everywhere. Sometimes I go into stores avoiding making eye contact so that no one will stop me to tell me some insane story of how they're going home to be with Jesus this afternoon right after they cure cancer.
I just can't take anymore. I'm turning off the light. This beacon is closed. Pin It
Saturday, August 1, 2009
Time flies when you're birthing babies
Wow. It's almost shameful that Josie is now SEVEN weeks old and I'm just now blogging again. We welcomed Anna Josephine Payne to our family on June 11th. She had some complications and stayed in the NICU for 6 days. Six long, long days. She was born with fluid on her lungs and then we got stuck in the NICU vaccume. That's actually what my OB called it, "the NICU Vaccume". I have never been so happy to pull into our driveway. She is doing great now. She is a chubby little monkey and is so sweet. She has started really smiling and cooing and it is so sweet. Caroline has really done so well. She's had her moments but only once has she said "I don't like her". That was a bad day. Most days she's thrilled to hold her and kiss her and tell everyone else how to kiss her and hold her and "be easy with Baby Josie". She's a little mama. 
This month and a half has flown by. It was so crazy to have her whisked away and to not be able to room in with her. Actually it was horrible, crazy isn't the right word. I have a new found respect for people who spend months with their little babies in the NICU. Soon I'll have to post about our attempt to break Josie out of the NICU and the very loud arguement we had with the hospital peditrician. The picture of that nurse feeding her like that is only one of the reasons I went nuts. The main reason being that when Chris and I showed up to see Josie at 3 AM she had a feeding tube up her nose! I literally went bonkers. Needless to say, every doctor, nurse, orderly, and receptionist avoided looking me in the eye from that morning on. I think I nearly made one really young nurse pee her pants. I can laugh now.... not so much then.
Things are going really well. The Fortress did close two weeks before Josie was born. I still talk to most of the guys. They are adjusting. I'm staying with the girls (look at me, saying "the girls"). It's really fun. CiCi was so excited that I wasn't going to work anymore. She would stop strangers in the grocery store and say "My mommy doesn't go to work now, she stays with ME!" So sweet. I don't plan on ever being a Social Worker again. I may eat those words, but I hope not. I still think Social Workers ROCK, I just don't want to rock anymore!
More posts coming soon... I swear! Love to you all...
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Update...
Geez, where to begin.
The Fortress will probably close in May. We don't have an exact date but I'm guessing after school is out. I'm stressed... angry... sad... confused... I'm everything. But it is what it is and I can't change it. Anyone want to hire a big fat pregnant lady? These kids are so sad. I feel really bad for them and they're being fed a pile of crap. I'm just so exhausted by it all. I wish I could do SOMETHING. I just don't know that I can do anything. I hate feeling helpless and it makes me so sad.
Josie will be here in June so that will keep me busy for a bit :). I don't know what we'll do after that because this is not really what we planned. Who am I kidding, none of this was planned! But we'll figure it out. Unfortunately, I have to work right now because Chris is only working 3 or 4 days a week, depending on how sales are going and all that. So we're stuck in this crappy economy just like everyone else. I know something will work out but I just feel pissed because I want to be able to enjoy my baby and I'm afraid that I won't get to. I know that I was lucky to be able to stay home with Caroline for so long and that I shouldn't complain because women do this all the time. I just think it's shitty. There, I said it.
Caroline is growing up so fast. She's completely potty trained and sleeping in 'big girl' panties. I can't believe how grown up she is and how funny she is. She's our little monkey.
I'm doing well, apart from the whole stressed to the max thing. I passed my three hour sugar test and so no pricking my finger or eating cardboard. I got to have cake on my birthday and you have no idea how happy that made me! I expected to have gestational diabeties again and so I was happy when I passed the three hour glucose test.
Hopefully I'll have a happier post soon. We're having a yard sale this weekend so come by and buy my old junk!!!
Hope everyone is well!
Ali Pin It
The Fortress will probably close in May. We don't have an exact date but I'm guessing after school is out. I'm stressed... angry... sad... confused... I'm everything. But it is what it is and I can't change it. Anyone want to hire a big fat pregnant lady? These kids are so sad. I feel really bad for them and they're being fed a pile of crap. I'm just so exhausted by it all. I wish I could do SOMETHING. I just don't know that I can do anything. I hate feeling helpless and it makes me so sad.
Josie will be here in June so that will keep me busy for a bit :). I don't know what we'll do after that because this is not really what we planned. Who am I kidding, none of this was planned! But we'll figure it out. Unfortunately, I have to work right now because Chris is only working 3 or 4 days a week, depending on how sales are going and all that. So we're stuck in this crappy economy just like everyone else. I know something will work out but I just feel pissed because I want to be able to enjoy my baby and I'm afraid that I won't get to. I know that I was lucky to be able to stay home with Caroline for so long and that I shouldn't complain because women do this all the time. I just think it's shitty. There, I said it.
Caroline is growing up so fast. She's completely potty trained and sleeping in 'big girl' panties. I can't believe how grown up she is and how funny she is. She's our little monkey.
I'm doing well, apart from the whole stressed to the max thing. I passed my three hour sugar test and so no pricking my finger or eating cardboard. I got to have cake on my birthday and you have no idea how happy that made me! I expected to have gestational diabeties again and so I was happy when I passed the three hour glucose test.
Hopefully I'll have a happier post soon. We're having a yard sale this weekend so come by and buy my old junk!!!
Hope everyone is well!
Ali Pin It
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
BABY GIRL!!!
Well, we're having a baby girl!
We went to the doctor yesterday and found out that we are having a girl! Poor Chris must have asked the Ultrasound lady about five times if she was really, really sure. I think he was disappointed but he put on a pretty brave face. He finally acted excited when he called from work last night. I'm excited. I hate to say I called it but, I called it. When we first got to the doctor's office the ultrasound lady asked Ci Ci if she wanted a baby brother or a baby sister and Ci Ci said, "A baby dog." Then, after we found out she was a girl, Chris kept pointing to the ultrasound monitor and saying to Caroline, look there is your baby sister. Caroline went along with it for a second and then she looked at Chris and said, "No, Daddy. That's a monster!" We all laughed so hard. She has been so good and I hope she's this excited about the baby come June.
Yesterday we got our first "free" gift from Similac. It was some cheap bag with formula and a paci in it. Caroline has since carried the paci around giving it to her babies and stuffed animals, but never putting it in her mouth. She's so cute. I'll save my rant for why they give out free formula at prenatal appointments for another post. Maybe I should not have taken it and quickly told them where to stick their formula. Oh, I said I wouldn't rant..... and anyway, it's not the nurse's fault that she has to push formula onto unsuspecting mama's to be under the guise of a 'free' gift. I'll stop now and move on....
I'm doing well and the baby is doing well. But I hope you guys will pray for me. I know that life is pretty hard for everyone right now and that we're all pretty stressed out. I am no exception and I'm feeling all kinds of stress. The Fortress is struggling, to put it mildly, to survive in this town. I hope you guys will pray for me and for The Fortress as a whole. There are so many lives that will be affected if we are forced to close and I fear that possibility is nearing.
I'm happy to share our news with you all! Thank you for being interested in our lives!!!
Ali
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Thursday, January 22, 2009
Look at me!
Look at me, two posts in one month! This one will be short and sweet as I head out the door to go to work on my day off. UGH. I thought I'd drop in a post this photo of CiCi at Christmas. It's so sweet and I forgot about it until I was just posting some Facebook photos earlier. This was taken Christmas Eve when CiCi decided that she wanted a little taste of Santa's snacks. She ate two of Santa's cookies faster than I could get the camera! After I had replaced the cookies with new ones we went off to bed. The next morning that's the first place she went and she was SHOCKED when Santa had eaten the cookies. She told everyone all day long that Santa ate the cookies all gone! So so sweet.
Love to everyone!
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Thursday, January 15, 2009
New Year, Old me
Not much changes with the New Year. I'm as forgetful as ever and continue to have time management problems. It seems like just when I get settled into something some little monster yells "Mama". The monster is sleeping but we'll see how far I get into this before she wakes.
Caroline's birthday was fun. We had a little birthday party at our house and it was fun. If you consider kids running everywhere fun. She had a blast and was so sweet opening her gifts. I can't believe she's two. Time really does fly.
Christmas was good. We didn't do as much running around this year, which I was grateful for. I'm pretty sure we took a nap on Christmas day, isn't that crazy!
I guess the word is out that we're expecting. Did I mention that in my last post? I can't remember it's been so long. We are, we're going to have an itty bitty baby. I must be looking pretty preggers because people keep looking at my belly kind of perplexed. Sometimes I want to say "I'm not THAT fat people!!"
I'm still working and feeling irritated by a bunch of teenage boys. I hope I never have a teenage boy. But I'm willing to bet money that teenage girls are much, much worse. I hope I'll find out one day.
I'm trying to be still and accept one day at a time. Lose some control, ya know. Not that we ever really have that much control anyway. For anyone who's all that interested I would suggest reading The Four Agreements. My friend Kelly advised it and I actually loved it. I say that with surprise because she has some pretty non-traditional ideas about things. If you don't have a good filter then skip it. I'll take that back. If you don't have a good filter then read it. Maybe it will help develop a filter, or maybe you'll hate it. Either way.....
The older I get the more I understand that life requires a filter. I'm getting better about taking what I need and letting the rest go. I mean really letting it go instead of worrying or letting it control me. And the Four Agreements helped bring that into perspective. The idea that maybe we're all alike is not a new idea at all. But I think we sometimes look over that because it seems too simple. The idea that sometimes words are just words and that actions bare more truth, is appealing to me. It frightens me because my actions are often lacking when my words are grand. One day at a time, right?
Until next time,
Ali Pin It
Caroline's birthday was fun. We had a little birthday party at our house and it was fun. If you consider kids running everywhere fun. She had a blast and was so sweet opening her gifts. I can't believe she's two. Time really does fly.
Christmas was good. We didn't do as much running around this year, which I was grateful for. I'm pretty sure we took a nap on Christmas day, isn't that crazy!
I guess the word is out that we're expecting. Did I mention that in my last post? I can't remember it's been so long. We are, we're going to have an itty bitty baby. I must be looking pretty preggers because people keep looking at my belly kind of perplexed. Sometimes I want to say "I'm not THAT fat people!!"
I'm still working and feeling irritated by a bunch of teenage boys. I hope I never have a teenage boy. But I'm willing to bet money that teenage girls are much, much worse. I hope I'll find out one day.
I'm trying to be still and accept one day at a time. Lose some control, ya know. Not that we ever really have that much control anyway. For anyone who's all that interested I would suggest reading The Four Agreements. My friend Kelly advised it and I actually loved it. I say that with surprise because she has some pretty non-traditional ideas about things. If you don't have a good filter then skip it. I'll take that back. If you don't have a good filter then read it. Maybe it will help develop a filter, or maybe you'll hate it. Either way.....
The older I get the more I understand that life requires a filter. I'm getting better about taking what I need and letting the rest go. I mean really letting it go instead of worrying or letting it control me. And the Four Agreements helped bring that into perspective. The idea that maybe we're all alike is not a new idea at all. But I think we sometimes look over that because it seems too simple. The idea that sometimes words are just words and that actions bare more truth, is appealing to me. It frightens me because my actions are often lacking when my words are grand. One day at a time, right?
Until next time,
Ali Pin It
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