My feet are cold

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It's cold outside and my feet are cold.

My heart is cold too. But I'm working on it.

I've started looking at preschools for Caroline next year. It makes me so sad. I can't stand to think that I have to begin releasing her into this crazy world. And yes, I do want to shelter her. And if you're thinking how dumb that is then you are exactly who I want to shelter her from. You nut-job.

It just seems like the world is so crazy. I just don't understand. When I look at her I see such joy. Like she is filled to the brim with love. If we would all love like that life would be so much calmer.

I'm working to simplify my life. I have to chant it over and over and over. It's harder than it should be. It amazes me how much drama and crap I am part of. Before, I don't think I would have even realized (much less acknowledged)my part in the crazy. I am making conscious decisions to try my best to not be part of drama, craziness, gossip, and the rest. I keep saying that I'm banning crazy from my life. Chris asked when I was leaving him :)

I think that I was/ am always really good at pointing to the crazy in others and not owning my own crazy. Because I know that I create drama and spread craziness as much as anyone else. Sometimes I do more than my own part. And I know I have to stop.

I've re-read The Four Agreements for about the million-th time. And it's still hard to swallow. Not the "agreements" per say but putting them into practice. It's so much easier to be selfish and to judge others.

I challenge you to read the book and to attempt to adopt these four agreements.
1. Be impeccable with your word (say only what you mean)
2. Don't make assumptions (communicate everything)
3. Don't take anything personally (nothing anyone else says or does is because of you- I know shocker, right, the whole world doesn't revolve around me!)
4. Always do your best


It's hard. Maybe I can blog more about this another day. I feel strongly about it. I think this is who I should/ could be. And I have lots of questions too.

But Caroline wants a drink and I've been sitting here too long.... alas, motherhood strikes again.


Love to all. Simplify... Balance... Simplify... Balance... Pin It

New Year, old me

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Chris and I rang in the new year painting the den. It was actually the most fun I've had in awhile. (what does that say about my life). But really. I laughed and laughed. I'm excited about whatever this year has in store. Whatever it is, I know it will be interesting...

We had a wonderful Christmas. It was really nice not to rush around to a million different places and to kind of enjoy our time with the girls. Between Caroline's birthday and Christmas our house is literally full of toys and other stuff. I'm really ashamed of it all. I don't want them thinking that this is what Christmas is about. I have to have a serious talk with Chris' mom about all the buying. We did Christmas at their house the Sunday before Christmas and she bought Caroline more than Santa brought both girls combined. It was out of control. Needless to say the majority of it got lost in transit. No kid should own that much stuff.

We took Ci and Josie to see Santa the week before Christmas and the photo is the funniest thing I've ever seen. Ci was pumped to see Santa and unload her wish list on him. Well, until we were next in line to see him. She just froze and looked at her daddy and said "I don't want to go". Notice she said that to him because she knew I was going to make her. Chris got her to sit on the little seat beside Santa and after the girl had taken the photo I had to pick her up and carry her away because she was literally frozen. After we walked away she looked at me and said "Well, I guess I'm still a little shy."

They are lots of fun and I love them to the moon and back.

Love to all Pin It

Beginning to look a lot like Christmas

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Tonight my heart is heavy. Lack of sleep always makes me feel bad but it's worse tonight. I pray for Allison and Keefer tonight. And I send my sweet friend my love.

Christmas is nearly here and it seems like this year just started. I love the twinkle lights and the joy in Caroline's voice when she sees them. The people who live across the street have put up some lights and Caroline stands at the front door looking out the window at them. She is my sweetheart.

Josie is growing so fast. We took some pictures for our Christmas card on Sunday and I realized that her sweet little nose is orange from eating so many orange veggies. She looked like Rudolph!! My poor child...

Life on earth is so precious. Tell someone you love them and squeeze them tight.
Goodnight Pin It

and she's back...

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I let another month slip by without updating my blog. Shame, shame. I don't really have all that much to say. Probably because it's 11:30pm and I've been awake since 2am yesterday. What am I doing blogging?

Life is strange, still. But life is good. I've been thinking about how fast time seems to fly and how things change. I guess sometimes they change before you ever even realize it. It's homecoming week at SCHS and I've been thinking about high school. I wonder if I talked to the teenage version of myself would the 16 year old me believe that this is my life. It's a wonderful life. But not the one I planned. But really do any of us live the life we planned when we were 16/ 17? Geez, I hope not.

My girls are as sweet as ever. I say that now that they're both sound asleep. Josie is growing so fast. She's laughing and giving big smiles. She feels kinda cruddy right now but hopefully she'll feel better soon. Caroline is nearly as tall as I am. Seriously. We were sitting in the floor tonight and my legs are only about seven inches longer than hers. She's not even three yet!

Love to all. And to all a good night! Pin It

I'm tired....

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I am exhausted. Not the "I'm tired" that comes after missing a couple of nights sleep but the "I'm tired" that has you physically and mentally drained. I'm usually a pretty tough cookie but I'm pooped. Josie screams nearly all day now. Her reflux is absolutely out of control. She's on prevacid but it might as well be water because it doesn't help. The only end to the screaming is walking. I have walked holes into the floor in our house and I've walked around the block so many times people probably think I'm crazy. Actually I must look crazy because last week some lady stopped as I was walking and asked if I needed a ride! hahaha. So not only do I look crazy but I also look homeless or something. If I could laugh maybe I could perk up. My house looks like a bomb went off here. It's making me crazy. But I don't have the time or energy to clean it up. I hit the surface and then WAHHHHHHHH! Yesterday I got to dust the front living room and our bedroom. But that's it, nothing more. As I sit and type this there is a section of train track sitting on the computer desk. Along with a yoohoo from God knows when. I'm tired people.

Josie has been asleep for exactly 36 minutes. I better hurry.

Caroline starts KIMCO tonight. I'm excited. I told her it was like bible school and she said "I don't like Bible School, they are mean". The funny part is that my mom was her Bible School teacher! And she loved every second of it. I know she's going to have fun. I'll have to pray for her teachers.

Life is strange. Sorry that I never call anyone. I do love you. But believe me, you wouldn't enjoy listening to screaming as I'm trying to talk. It's pointless.

Love to you. Happy post next time :) Pin It

No, that isn't bird shit on the floor, but thanks for asking.

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Oh me. Josie has some pretty horrible reflux. She tends to be more of a dribbler than a spitter and so I have begun carrying her around on my hip face out. Does that make sense? You know one arm around her belly, butt on hip. This means that she dribbles less on my clothes and more on my feet/shoes and, unfortunately, the hardwood floor. So the other day Chris insisted that there was bird shit in the front living room floor. This really wouldn't surprise me since we do tend to have a problem with birds getting into our house. But this time it really wasn't bird shit. I knew it was just a little dribble but I couldn't convience Chris. He was so angry and the more I said "NO, it's NOT" the more convienced he became that it was bird shit. I have laughed and laughed.

Now don't question why we would have birds shitting regularly around our house. To question that would be to question why Chris would close off every chimney in this house (there are four total) EXCEPT the one that has swallows living in it. I mean, that would make sense. I used to call someone when a bird would fly in but now I just close the kids in a safe bedroom and try to knock the crap out of the bird with a broom. (OH, now I'm laughing because I said knock the crap out of the bird and I didn't mean LITERALLY!) Usually I can get the bird to fly out an open door but if not then I leave all the doors open and I take the kids for a walk, a really long walk! Once when Chris was here a bat came in the house. Caroline cried for three days and still says "bats live outside". Apparently birds in the house are a really bad omen. As many as we've had we're screwed.

I just looked down and saw some more dribble in the floor. I better go clean it up before Chris gets home and starts yelling about bird shit in the den!

Love to all. Pin It

Monkeys

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Just a quick update on the monkeys...

Josie is two and a half months old now. We went for her check-up last week and she weighed 11 lbs and 7 oz and was in the 75th percentile in height! She's going to be tall!! She is so cute and she's really all smiles when she's not miserable from all the reflux.

Caroline is so smart. I know I say that all the time but she really is. The other day we were saying the ABC's and she said "B is for BOOTY". Only my child!

Life is pretty good. So far, no dead ends!

Enjoy the pictures! Love to all... Pin It